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past the brink of emotional chaos

How the journey of adopting changed my pursuit of Jesus.

· Leadership,Discipleship,Adoption

It wasn't supposed to be this way

Today was to finally be the day that our son was to be united with his forever family, but yet I sit in my office and write my first blog and attempt to put into words the chaotic world that I find myself in. Today was to suppose to be the happiest day of a what seemed like a forever three year journey of adopting. But instead I am once again drawn to my knees as I seek understanding and direction from God. I know that He is the one that always makes a way, but truly I'm just at the end of my mind. I don't have anymore emotional fuel to spend - I'm drained - but yet this is where the journey has brought me. I will forever cling to His promises; and this how ever ironic is where I found myself today trying to put together the pieces that seemingly point back to Jesus - once again.

So why have I decided to write and begin this blog?

I wanted to have a place to heal. I hope that you will find strength here as well. I wanted a place to pass along the lessons that God is teaching me. I hope that you will find nourishment for your soul. I wanted a place to just begin to express how God is changing my thoughts toward what it means to be a "child of God" and a disciple. I hope that you will join me on this journey. I wanted a place for all of us to challenge the idea that discipleship is more than "being a Christian" or "going to church". I believe it is much more than that.

You need to understand that I'm a preacher and that for a really long time thought I had a pretty good handle on what it meant to be a disciple, a follow of Jesus; but I'm here to tell you that I was way off and I'm still recovering from a Sunday morning hangover. I filled myself with lots of things that made me feel good, but yet I had moments that just left me unfilled and many times left me wanting so much more than what I was attempting to feed others. I wanted something that went beyond my emotions and my feelings. I've fought that emotional dragon for years. I wanted to please people and I wanted people to like me. Yet I somehow forgot about trying to please the one who really mattered.

The best way to effect change is by example - Steve Jobs

This journey along with the journey of adoption would simply leave me living in a valley of dry bones. I knew all the right answers, but I didn't really understand how to use them in the midst of this emotional chaos. This chaos would lead me to understand that discipleship isn't about what I feel or what surrounds me. This chaos is the very instrument that God has used to break my spirit and renew my journey of following Jesus with my whole heart and not just with my knowledge and words.

I want to invite you to join me on this journey of restoration. I want to invite you to be part of the discussion and the community that truly desires to put aside our nice idea of Christianity and seek and spur one another on toward love and good deeds. There is song of victory that is playing; will you join me as we begin to sing this song of restored faith, restored love, restored truth and restored discipleship.

Come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the Lord our maker, for he is our God. We are the people he watches over, the flock under his care. If only you would listen to his voice today! -- Psalm 95:6-7

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